Scones

In a world of funky practices, somewhere in between "people who have a tie fetish" and "those who like to be flagged for fun", there should exists a special  group, "Jews fascinated with porky baked goods". There is something very naughty about adding crispy bits of bacon to a cookie, or some lard to a pie dough. Those things can live perfectly fine without pork additions, they can hold their own on a busy buffet table and even shine - under the right circumstances - under the spotlight of a foodie radar. However skipping vanilla in favor of dark animalistic undertones, the fleshy texture, the salty crunch, takes it to a different, funkier dimension. 
If you find nothing specifically sinful or forbidden in pork, just substitute it with, say, the blood of Christian babies, and read on.

Ham and chives scones
(Makes 24 bite sized pieces)
300 g all purpose flour
125 g cold butter
1 t baking powder
1 t smoked paprika
1/2 t salt
10 g  fresh chives, chopped
1 egg
125 g double cream
50 g grated cheese (generic)
100 g chopped ham

Put flour, butter and spices in a bowl  and squeeze it with your fingers until it gets to the consistency of a rough sand. The fingers movement  resembles that of counting money - remember this motion,  as it can be very useful both in baking and life. If you are in a hurry, it is possible to complete this step in a food processor,  mixer or whatever other toy you find in your kitchen drawer, but it's  most satisfactory to do by hand, slowly,  feeling the coldness of butter pressed against flour. Add the rest of the ingredients and briefly mix to form a dough. It will be wet, chunky  and not too pretty.  Avoid the temptation to knead it - this is one of those recipes where extra physical force brings more harm then satisfaction.  Dust your working table with flour and pat the dough to a 2 cm thickness. Cut it into squares or triangles, assemble on a baking tray and bake for 15 min @170C. Those scones can be served as bottoms for all kinds of top ideas, or just offer them plain at your next orgy.